I Have Been Blessed

This is the Faces of Loss Monthly Writing Challenge:

It’s easy to focus on all the negative things that come from losing a baby, but have you discovered any ‘blessings in disguise’ throughout your journey? What can you find to be thankful for related to your loss?

This is such a great topic with Thanksgiving coming up.  Even in the midst of pain I still have so much to be thankful for.  I have been amazed with the "blessings" that have shown up in my life since losing Harper.  Most of those blessings have been people.  I have had so much support from people I didn't even know 3 months ago.  A couple of the nurses from the Family Birth Center and some women from the support group I attend have been so wonderful.  I know that these women are here to walk beside me in my grief journey and I believe these will be lasting frienships.  There is such a bond between women who share such a painful common bond.  Most of these women are probably not people I would have been friends with before, but because of our losses we know each others' brokeness in ways only we can understand.  I feel especially close to the nurses because they saw Harper, and held her and cried with me.  I feel like they "knew" her and so few people got that opportunity.

I have also found a great group of women in our local MOPS group, and even though most of them do not personally understand my pain, they still want to share in my journey and are always available to offer encouragement and support along the way.  They have blessed my life more than they know.  Harper's life has been so honored by this group of women.  I continue to receive cards, phone calls and encouraging words from some of these women and it helps give me strength to keeping going when at times I don't want to.

My family has also grown stronger through this.  Some relationships have really been strengthened, including my marriage.  I so understand how the loss of a child can tear apart a marriage, and once we were able to come to terms with each others unique ways of grieving, we have been able to grow closer.  Even my children, at such young ages, genuinely love their sister, even though they don't fully understand what happened.  They talk about her frequently and it warms my heart!

One of the biggest blessings has been seeing how Harper's life has impacted others.  I still get notes or messages from people letting me know how much Harper's life has meant to them.  They hug their kids a little tighter or don't stress about little things.  As a grieving mother, this is the only way I can accept that I had to go through something so painful...her life had meaning, and purpose.  She did not die in vain and she will never be forgotten.  It is so encouraging to hear from people how much my daughter has blessed their lives.

Of course the greatest blessing that has come from losing Harper is my relationship with God.  He has been my strength and comfort.  He has heard my cries and holds me in his arms.  When nothing makes sense, he gives me peace.  I just don't know how I could have ever grown so close to God without having gone through the worst nightmare of my life, or how I could have survived without him.  And because of Him I know I will see my little girl again.  I may have to live my lifetime without her here, but that will seem so insignificant when I am spending my eternity with her.