Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Six Months

Six months ago today I was oblivious to the fact that my life was about to change forever.  Or, I should say, the way it was going to change forever.  At some point on August 9th, Harper's spirit left this earth and went to Heaven.  And I didn't even know it happened.  I was still waiting for contractions to start, anxious to meet my little girl.

The past six months have been full of ups and downs...I feel I've made big strides on this journey called grief.  But I'm not where I hoped to be right now...Plan A:  Enjoying life with a six month old baby girl in our family.  Plan B:  Get pregnant as soon as possible and be entering my second trimester.  Plan C:  ? 

I guess its time to just let God do the planning, because my plans aren't working out. 

The pain of losing Harper does not consume me like it did in the beginning.  I still think about her constantly, but those thoughts aren't in the forefront of my mind.  I am able to function and carry on a "normal" life while still carrying her memory with me always.  I'm still sad when I think of her, or when I see a pregnant woman or a newborn baby.  I'm sad that life isn't turning out the way I thought it would.  But I am learning to be okay with it.  And that's a big step for me.

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