James 1:17

I had my first appointment at Rockford Memorial Maternal Fetal Medicine at 28 weeks.  They did an u/s to look at Harper's kidney and the spot on her heart.  The doctor was not concerned about her heart, but the kidney was dilated to a level that was not normal.  He told us that often one problem is an underlying condition of an even bigger issue.  He started talking Down Syndrome with us.  I had not done the screening at 16 weeks and my clinic does not routinely do 12 week u/s so I was past the point of any of this testing.  Without this information he could not accurately tell us what our risk was of Harper having Down Syndrome, but apparently he felt he needed to let us know it was a possibility. As we got in the elevator to leave I looked at my husband and asked him if he felt better or worse.  I know I wasn't feeling very relived to find out that now there was another thing to add to our list of things to be concerned about.  As I sat at home that afternoon my images of Harper began to change.  I now was picturing her as a special needs baby.  In a way I had to mourn this possibility of having a baby who wasn't "normal."  It didn't change my love for her, but it changed the way I pictured the future with her.  Would she hit milestones like the other kids did?  Would she get picked on?  Would her brother and sister resent her?  Would she ever get married or have a family?  Would we have to take care of her even as an adult?  The questions tormented me.  I finally had to turn to God's word for some peace and James 1:17 immediately came to me: "Every good and perfect gift is from above."  Did I believe she was good and perfect?  Of course I did...God creates everyone in his own image doesn't he?  This verse became my life verse for Harper.  No matter what we found out when she was born she was good and perfect and a gift from God.  Of course I only imagined this in the context of her being a living baby who could possibly have special needs. 
Now I know it wasn't Down Syndrome.  But the verse remains her life verse.  Even though I didn't get to have her in my life as long as I had hoped, I still believe she was a good and perfect gift from my Heavenly Father. She has brought so much good to my life, she is completely perfect now in Heaven, and a gift is still a gift no matter how long God allowed you to have it....and I will continue to praise him for the gift he gave me.