'Tis the season

This roller coaster ride called grieving is really getting old.  Just this morning I'm thinking about how far I've come in the process and then one little thing happens and sets me off again.  Its just tiring and a lot of work.  I've "worked" hard for the last four and a half months and I just can't imagine how much more work I'm going to have to do.

I want the grieving to be over, I want the pain to be gone.  I no longer feel guilty if I have a good day.  I know Harper is perfect and that she loves me.  She doesn't want me to hurt and she doesn't feel hurt if I want to enjoy my life.  I still have a life to live here...I don't want to spend so much time feeling hurt and lonely and broken.

I thought I was going to be okay for the holidays, but now I'm not so sure.  I just wish I could see some sort of light and the end of the tunnel; some small glimmer of hope that this season of grief will not last forever.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 ~ There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.  A time to cry and a time to laugh.  A time to grieve and a time to dance.

I'm trying to be patient with myself...I know this takes time.  I'm trying to trust God and believe his word that this is only a season.  I want so badly to feel his hope, peace, love, and joy.