It's happened again...

Well, someone who was a few years younger than me in high school just lost twin boys last night.  It is just unbelievable how many people have to experience this pain.  I still don't know if I'm just more aware of it, or if it really is happening more.  This makes a grand total of five babies that have been stillborn (past 20 weeks) just in Monroe since we lost Harper.  I've also heard about two babies lost to SIDS, and a few miscarriages.  And its not even been five months....

I feel like more people I know are losing their babies than having living babies.  I just can't make sense of it.  Every time I hear of a loss I just lose the ability to function.  I walk around in a fog, feeling like I got punched in the gut.  I'm sure I will toss and turn all night. It has consumed my thoughts all day.  I hurt for those new families hurting for the first time, and I hurt for me all over again.

I know that these babies are bringing more awareness to pregnancy loss.  It happens and it happens a lot.  No one is immune.  I read somewhere once that stillbirth does not discriminate.  It doesn't care what race, religion or ethnicity you are.  It doesn't care how long you tried to get pregnant or how badly you wanted a baby.  It doesn't care how many weeks you put into taking care of your unborn baby.  It doesn't care how nicely your nursery is decorated or that the car seat is already installed in the car or that the bottles are already sterilized and in the cupboard.  Stillbirth doesn't care about your plans, hopes, and dreams.  It can happen to anyone.

And no one ever expects it to happen to them.  That is something that has bothered me from the beginning...I felt that people looked at me like somehow I knew I was going to lose Harper.  And that others assume its not going to happen to them.  Just because you pee on a stick and see a plus sign does not mean you are going to bring home a baby in 9 months.  Just because you feel kicks and hear your baby's heartbeat does not mean you are going to bring home a baby.  Just because you make it past 12 weeks, or 25 weeks, or 40 weeks does not mean you are going to bring home a baby.  I wish all pregnant women knew this.  Not so they would live in fear, but so they could be aware that this is something that happens and it can happen to anyone at any point in a seemingly healthy pregnancy. 

I hope that all of these precious babies not only bring awareness to other expectant parents but also to the medical community.  There has got to be a way to reduce these numbers.  I don't know how and I know modern medicine still has it's limitations...I just wish there was a way that more could be done to prevent stillbirth.  I wish there was a way to prevent so many people from experiencing a pain no words can describe...