Today at MOPS we lifted another family up in prayer that is currently waiting to give birth to their 20 week old baby whose spirit has already gone to be with Jesus. It just takes me right back. My heart aches for this woman I don't know. It feels like its me all over again, laying in a hospital bed waiting to give birth to a baby I won't get to take home with me. This is the fourth baby I have known about since I lost Harper, and every time its like its happening to me all over again. I do not understand why this keeps happening. I do not understand why it hurts me to my core every time. Is this the way it will always be? Everytime I hear of a loss, will it always take me right back to August 10th? This was not an aspect of greiving that I was planning on.
I know I have to keep leaning on God, now more than ever. It seems that as things are getting "better" for those around me, its getting harder for me. The "newness" of my loss has worn off and I am trying to find my way back in the real world again and its hard. Really, really hard. I take a couple steps forward and then things happen like today, and I get knocked down again.
Please be praying for this family and the months of grieving that lie ahead of them, and please keep praying for me and my family too. The pain does not just go away in a few days or weeks or months. I know that I may look like I'm doing okay on the outside, but my hurt still runs deep. Thank you.
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