Sunday, October 3, 2010

Not my home

I once thought this world was a safe and secure place to live.  Things used to seem so certain to me, but lately nothing seems certain.  Nothing feels safe and secure in this world.  I don't understand why babies die, I don't understand why young fathers die or kids get molested.  I don't understand why money becomes more important than family or why I have to forgive someone who has never asked to be forgiven.  I just feel like there is this blanket of ugliness covering this world and right now I can't see past it.  I just want to take my kids and run to a safe place where we will no longer be subject to ugliness, but no such place exists here.  This place is not my home.  I don't want it to be my home.  I have never felt that way before, until now.  I have never felt more in my life the longing for a place with no more tears, pain, or suffering.  This world and its pleasures are fleeting, they will not last.  I long for the place that will satisfy my every need, where there is no more ugliness.  I long to be with my baby again, I long to have my family all together.   I have never felt more urgency than now to be praying for my kids and their relationships with Christ.  Our lives are just a vapor and then its over.  This life is too short to get caught up in the things of this world.  We are citizens of heaven.  I know I can't protect my kids from the junk of this world, I can't protect myself from it.  All I can do is try to instill in them the importance of eternity...and the hope of a better place.  I don't understand why God sent his son to this ugly place to die for me.  I don't deserve it, but he did it anyway and I'm so thankful he did.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know how the pain you are going through feels, but I too sometimes wish I could run away with my family to a safe place. The world can be a very scary and confusing place. But, when you are going through hell, just keep going. Pray to God and turn to the people who are in your life to support you.

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