Last night at GriefShare we talked about not letting your loss define you. Stillbirth is not my identity. I'm really struggling with this because I do feel like my loss defines me and stillbirth is my identity. The group leader reassured me this is okay because my loss is so fresh and new, but once I get "through" my grieving (this is different than getting "over" it...I will never get over it, but I pray that I will get through it.) I cannot let it become my identity. My identity is in Christ. I think right now I have multiple identities. I am a child of God. I am a grieving mother. I am a mother of two healthy, energetic children. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. But right now my loss is in the forefront. I feel my identity in that the most right now, and I am so glad to know that that's okay for now. But it cannot be my primary identity forever. I cannot define me forever. I has changed me and I will never be the same, but my loss does not define me. And I cannot use my loss for God's glory if I'm stuck in it. More than anything I want Harper's life to mean something. I want to grieve as healthy as I can and focus on using her life for good. I have to give myself time to grieve, but I refuse to stay stuck in self-pity. My beautiful baby girl deserves so much more than that!
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